| Surely Hell has frozen over. |
[16 Jan 2009|07:03pm] |
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mood |
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I'm afraid to even put it into words lest I ruin it all for myself, but it looks like my luck has finally changed.
I will now be paid to play the piano, and I couldn't be happier with the arrangements. Yes. Happy. There was a time in my life where I never thought I could be.
The girl I will be the accompaniment for is truly talented. And I think...we could be friends as well. Its strange to feel so hopeful...
And if the man I met at the bus depot is reading this, Carson, I apologize for my rude behavior and leaving so abruptly. At the time, I was rather stressed out, it was before I found out I had a job, and I had spent a day at the mall surrounded by crowds. And...you found out something about me that I didn't expect to be found out.
I'm sorry. Perhaps I'll go to one of your gigs, if you'd be so kind to come to one of mine (or Claire's, rather).
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[06 Jan 2009|09:06pm] |
I took a photo of the my dog today. He's an interesting thing, I only wish he would consent to stay home more often...
Its a terrible photo, this camera is ancient.
( Private )
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| Christmas Gifts. |
[22 Dec 2008|05:25pm] |
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( Robin. )
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[21 Dec 2008|11:19am] |
Staring out the window today I am again convinced that not having a car is not much of a handicap at all. Though I doubt the snow is making a dent in the consumer frenzy.
Speaking of...
Robin, is there anything you want for Christmas? I don't know the first thing about buying presents, I haven't a clue what to get you. You don't have to get me anything, I can't think of a single thing I could possibly want.
I won't let you go out in this weather anyway.
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| Advertisement: |
[18 Dec 2008|12:56pm] |
Pianist For Hire
Experienced pianist for hire. Weddings, parties, corporate events, etc. Portable piano available if needed. Portfolio CD available upon request. Rates depend on travelling distance and length of engagement.
Please contact by phone or email.
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[16 Dec 2008|07:55am] |
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mood |
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 enthralled |
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Am I too shy for you?
Its just...I'm not accustomed to getting what I want. I'm not sure what to do.
But know that there is nothing, no one, in the world I want more than you.
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[23 Nov 2008|03:33pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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I find it strange to air out my life to strangers, I never know what I should talk about here. I must say, though, that it doesn't look quite as bleak as it did a week ago. But I am not free from my usual bouts of anxiety, they have just returned to normal levels?
I'm sleeping again, uhm...
Who needs a doctor when you have the best neighbor a person could ask for? I'm really not deserving. But I am completely, wholeheartedly, ridiculously, pathetically, insanely, and utterly grateful.
I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, Robin. Can you guess what I'm thankful for?
Uhm...should I bring something? Or at least offer money? I feel a little guilty.
- D
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[17 Nov 2008|08:35pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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I have been thinking about seeing a doctor. This...not sleeping has gone on too long. It wasn't quite as much of a problem when I wasn't required to work. I am simply exhausted, all the time. If I could only just stop thinking and go to bed...
But I know a doctor will only recommend I see a psychologist. Unfortunately, I think having to speak about any of this, all of this, would be more horrible than never sleeping again.
Perhaps I should just become an alcoholic. I don't know if I trust myself with a bottle of sleeping pills in my medicine cabinet.
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[10 Nov 2008|09:48pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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Why do people focus so much on how a person looks? Beauty is meaningless if there is nothing more than that to like about them.
There's no reason for me to feel like this. I suppose my father had some valid reasons to dislike me. I am disgustingly sensitive.
( Private )
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[02 Nov 2008|11:59am] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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Its hard to believe that I'm not actually in a coma somewhere, imagining all of this. In a month's time, my life has gotten far too strange. My father abandons me and suddenly...I don't even know. My life is better. And my life is worse.
( Private )
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| Incase anyone might want it... |
[02 Nov 2008|10:10am] |
siiencedsonata
Don't expect me to be on all the time though..
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[01 Nov 2008|04:39pm] |
I would write about my first good Halloween, but apparently I have to rescue a co-worker from dying in a ditch.
I am still hung over.
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[28 Oct 2008|09:40pm] |
So, I have a job. Two, possibly. I can hardly believe my luck. I would have never thought I'd find any so quickly, on my first real day of looking.
The definite job is at the Olive Garden. I'm not quite sure what it is that I'll be doing, I have a hope that its back in the kitchen doing dishes, I have a feeling I won't be the best waiter...
I'll have to thank Dylan for suggesting I try there. Whoever Dylan is.
The other job is possibly playing the organ for morning church services, another suggestion given to me from journal readers. Thank you.
It looks like I may be able to take care of myself after all.
( Private )
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| Ich bin ein Feigling. |
[27 Oct 2008|09:16am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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The longer that I wait, the more difficult it becomes to do anything. Its like a slow building panic that leaves me utterly unable to do a single thing. I stall, and I stall, and I stall.
I really must find a job, I can't sit here playing piano until it's too late to go out another day. I AM going to go out, I am.
Maybe it would be easier if I knew The Dog wouldn't follow me.
Maybe it would be easier if I hadn't begun to feel like I should name The Dog.
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| Bio. |
[25 Oct 2008|08:06am] |
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( D. )
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| [Private] |
[25 Oct 2008|07:54am] |
I think I'm going mad.
I've always suspected I would, and now it has finally happened. Too much time spent alone in one lifetime, too much stress.
I've begun to see things, most of the time they are confusingly mundane things, every day house hold items, a double of something I'm already looking at, nothing I couldn't pass off as lack of sleep. But other times...They are alive, half formed shadows...I don't know. I'll doze off, have a nightmare perhaps, and when I wake up, whatever I was dreaming about is there, in the room. Really there. Really, really there! But only for a moment.
I wouldn't be so worried, or convinced I'm insane if it hadn't begun to happen when I wasn't actually asleep.
A few days ago I was contemplating my isolation, I was thinking, do I have to be alone? Now that my father is gone, and I live in my own apartment, couldn't I do what I pleased? Why be alone when I could have a dog? I've always wanted one, but he'd never let me.
As soon as I thought that...there was a dog sitting next to me, staring at me. A black...shepherd mix, I think. It couldn't have possibly been a real breed, it looked wolfish. It seemed so real, so alive. And then it was gone.
But it keeps coming back! Whenever I think about it, its there.
I really have gone insane.
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